*posted by Arny
Alright, sure, we've already posted a bunch of stuff about the various temples, historical sites, and other ballin' places we've seen in this great land of India. And those were all exciting and everything, but... we were told time and again... I mean, we KNEW that every single one of these so-called 'beautiful sites' would go completely limp in the face of the one... the only...
Taj Mahal.
!
Yeah, you probably just shit yourself. I know I did.
But wait - something is amiss. Upon further introspection, I realize that the reason I shit myself is not out of utter disbelief at the immense beauty and grandeur of The Taj, but instead out of utter disbelief at how weak the entire city of Agra has become (the city in which the Taj Mahal was built (by an obsessive, neurotic emperor)).
The Agra parade began with attempting to buy our tickets for entry.
Absurdity 1: Tickets for Indians - 20 rupees. Tickets for foreigners - 750 rupees.
Okay, we can deal with that right? We'll just pay 37.5 times more for Kayd's ticket, and we'll be through with it, yeah?
Absurdity 2: Out of the blue, the assholes at the ticket office accuse me and my brother of not being Indian, and demand that we buy the 750 rupee 'foreigner' tickets.
After a good 5 minutes of arguing in a mix of English, Hindi, and Bangla, they finally cave and grudgingly let us buy the 'Indian' tickets.
We board a shuttle bus that goes back and forth from the ticket office to the front gate. After some more nonsense about how we need to buy 'shoe covers' (which we spent more money on) in order to walk around the Taj, we finally arrive at the front gate (after spending more money to pay the shuttle bus driver).
Lining up single file to get our ticket ripped by the guards at the gate, they let my brother, Kayd, and our cousin Toby in. I hand my ticket, my Indian ticket to one of the guards. He hesitates, looks at me a bit...
Absurdity 3: Out of the blue, the assholes at the front gate accuse me of not being Indian, and demand that I shuttle back to the ticket office and buy the 750 rupee 'foreigner' tickets.
After a good 15 minutes of arguing in a mix of English, Hindi, and Bangla, they finally cave and grudgingly let me in. Props to our cousin Toby for berating the guards about how what they were doing was wrong on principle.
And remember: PRINCIPLE ALWAYS TRUMPS BULLSHIT.
So finally we were inside. Wow! So many tourists! Everywhere! Oh, and there was also a giant, white marble tomb in the center. We walked around for awhile and it was pretty cool.
We left the Taj Mahal and then went to Agra Fort, another historical monument. Like at the Taj Mahal, one must buy tickets for entry, and these tickets are divided into Indian and foreign types, the latter being much more expensive. Like at the Taj Mahal, we successfully bought Indian tickets for all of us except Kayd. Like at the Taj Mahal, all of us successfully gained entry at the gate except one.
Absurdity 4: Out of the blue, the asshole at the front gate accuses my brother of not being Indian, because he said "Thank you" after his ticket was ripped, a standard English phrase regularly used in India.
We immediately started shouting at him and showed him all of the other 'Indian' ticket stubs we had from seeing other monuments, after which he shut up and let us in.
Agra Fort was pretty cool.
Looking back, it seemed there were a lot of assholes in Agra. Money-grubbing assholes. Kind of like an Indian Las Vegas, or something.
At this point, our Agra experience seemed tarnished, nearly ruined by the extreme commercialization of a place that used to be a bit more peaceful and a bit less focused on charging helpless old white people 37.5 times the standard charge.
However, when all hope seemed lost, our perception of Agra was saved when we saw these epic rugs near the side of the Taj Mahal:
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